How to get over someone?
Moving on from the person you love is one of the most difficult experiences of our life. It is never easy. Whether it is the first time or the third time, it is not just a matter of leaving your past behind. You can’t just forget the past so easily while you still have so many memories to hold onto. The more you try to forget the past, the more it comes back to you and haunts you.
However, often you think that you have moved on, but the person you love is still the first and last thought in your mind. Thinking that we have moved and actually moving on are completely different scenarios. Sometimes you think you have moved on to fool yourselves to think that you have moved on.
But the question here is, did you really get over someone? Have you really forgot about the person who you once loved and would sacrifice everything you have for him/her? Are you one of those people who still care about the person who broke your heart and will go running back to them if they message or call you once? Are you struggling to get over someone? Especially from a toxic person in your past? Well, here are a few tips to help you get over someone after a breakup.
Let yourself feel sad to get over someone.
You just broke up, and your heart is shattered into a million pieces. It’s okay. Give yourself some time to go through the sad break-up songs in your playlist and cry. If you think crying after a breakup is bad, you are wrong. Excessive crying is bad after a breakup. Anything done in an excessive amount is disastrous.
It doesn’t matter if you take 2 days or 1 week feeling sad about it but make sure you set a specific date on which you decide that you will no more feel sad about it. A day where you decide that you will get up, dress nicely and go out with your friends or family. Have the mindset that you have to get over someone and move on.
Allowing yourself to feel sad helps to get over someone and allows you to not feel guilty and realize that you will not feel this miserable, angry or lonely. This is how you feel right now, but after each passing day, week, month, or year you will heal and be a different person and won’t even know when you move on.
2. Don’t blame yourself or him/her
After a breakup, we conclude that maybe all of it was my faulty or his/her fault. Thinking that maybe you weren’t good enough for him/her is a natural process. But in the end, no one was at fault. Sometimes, you meet the right people at the wrong time, and sometimes you meet the wrong people at the right time. If you broke up, then you both were not meant for each other, and now it’s time to get over someone from your past.
3. Forgive him/her
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” -lewis B Smedes.
When you are angry towards someone, you carry a bag full of hatred for someone. The other person is probably not even aware of what and how you feel, making it useless to hold a grudge towards them. It would be best if you let go of this grudge and get over someone to finally move on from all that happened.
To forgive someone, you need to forgive yourself first. Think about how you are preventing yourself from being happy and experiencing your real love for someone by holding grudges for someone. Forgive yourself for making yourself go through that trauma. Forgive yourself for what has happened. Once you do this, forgiveness for the other person will occur naturally and it will help you get over someone that broke your heart.
4. Stop fantasizing
As the process of internal healing starts to begin, you may be motivated to fantasize that maybe, just maybe, they’ll change. You need to stop that to get over someone. You may yearn to message them and ask them what, when, how, and where everything went wrong. You may want to ask him/her if you both could make it work out. But it won’t work out. Nothing is going to change.
“I need to stop fantasizing about running away to some other life and start figuring out the one I have.”
This is just your brain trying to keep you away from the pain you are going through right now, but it’s important to come back to reality and know that everything is over, and you need to move on from the past. Nothing will ever be the same from now on.
It’s just like putting a bandaid on your wound for a short period of time. When you take off that bandaid from your wound, it’s going to hurt like hell.
5. Reach out to someone for support
It is completely normal to contact one of your close family members or friends to talk to them about how you feel and what you should be doing because this is what best friends are for. True friends always play an important to help you move on and get over someone. If you’re feeling low and miss the person who you broke up with, link up with your friends and share your feelings and let your heart be at ease.
You are strong. You are beautiful. You are resilient. You are loved. You are capable. You are not weak. You are not defected. You are not weird. You are not a lost cause. You are not different.
6. Be grateful
Take out some time to think about what that person has taught you and how you can prevent those mistakes from happening in your future relationships. Don’t let your heart be broken the next time you are in a relationship.
“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.” — Thomas J. Watson
Be thankful for what the relationship and breakup have taught you. Look at the positive side of the breakup and the person being in your life and apply the lesson learned in your future relationships. Learning from your past mistakes is the best revenge to get over someone you truly don’t miss.
7. Ask yourself what you’re really looking for in a relationship
When you know what you really want in a relationship, you will find it easier to get over someone as there may be some drawbacks of being with the same person you were once in love with.
8. Plan hangouts
Keep your mind busy by planning hangouts, as this is one of the best ways to distract yourself and help you easily move on from your ex. Make some time to have fun with your family and friends because this will help you cheer up and help you forget someone who broke your heart.
“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”
– Adlai Stevenson
Meeting new people, friends, or romantic potential alike reminds you how there is a whole world out there. When you are exposed to a new life, it helps you understand life from a different perspective. Moreover, it enables you to realize that you need to move on from your past relationship and look for someone else (only if you are ready for it).
Of course, easier said than done while we are going through this pandemic but don’t let this hold you back. You can still keep your mind occupied by gossiping with your friends on a zoom call, or you can go hiking, jogging, or cycling, even if it is with just a few of your close friends.
Self-care is another good tip to move on from a relationship as this also distracts your mind. Grooming yourself can help you feel happy and confident about yourself. Another alternative to help you distract your mind is music which helps you feel happy or gives positive vibes. Here are a few tips to stay positive despite everything.
Don’t forget to buy yourself something you normally wouldn’t because giving a treat to yourself can enlighten your mood and make it easier to get over someone.
Don’t expect others to love you if you cannot love yourself first.
10. Remembering the good old days you spent together
Look at the positive aspects of the time you spent together because this will make it easier for you to walk away from something when you don’t feel that it’s a total loss. Being able to look back and say,
“we brought up two beautiful children” or “I couldn’t have gotten through COVID-19 without you”
helps you see the bigger picture. It helps you move on after divorce. Therefore, you may want to keep stock of old pictures and videos.
However, this does not count for everyone. Some people may find it more disturbing when they go through old pictures and photos because it makes them miss that specific person, even more, making them want to cry and not let them get over someone they love. So if this is the case, you may consider deleting those pictures.
11. Keeping in touch with your ex
If you keep in touch with your ex, the loss may not feel so big. For example, you may have the same group of friends, and you can hang out. But if you decide to cut off, then either of you will be left out while your friends are still hanging out. Therefore, it depends on how you want it to be. If you want to make it easier to get over someone, you can decide to cut off completely
If you think you can resist seeing them and not feel bad, then you may go ahead. This also means that you have successfully made yourself move on from the person you were once madly in love with. However, expect the first meeting after to be an awkward situation.
12. Think about how life was when you were single
If you have to get over someone and wonder how you will spend time alone, think about what activities you used to perform when you were single.
By doing this, you will realize how happy you were when you were single and how you used to enjoy life being independent.
13. Know your self worth
To let go of someone is losing the person you were and not just the person you lost. Know how much you are worth, and if they left you, then it’s their loss and not yours. This will motivate you to forget your ex and help you get over someone from the past.
14. There are so many people out there
It wasn’t just that one person who you will ever be able to love. There are so many people out there who will love you for who you are and accept you with your flaws, and love you no matter what. Therefore do not lose hope and look for the people of your type. He/she wasn’t the only one in this world who would be in a relationship with you.
Once you go through all of these stages, you will look back at yourself and think how dumb you were to blame yourself.
Thank that person for giving you the life lesson you needed to protect yourself from future harm. You will feel the inner peace of letting go and not missing someone you lost.
In short, many people will come and go into your life. But it is you who has to stick by your own self. This is why be independent of everyone and every feeling. Love yourself first before loving anyone else. It will help you get over someone.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to
choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
– Viktor Emil Frankl